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Bless me, Father, for having sins.

I’ve mastered most of them,

They increased my vocabulary:

I talked back to my parents,

I stole a glance at my seatmate’s

Test paper, did not look away

When a female classmate

Absentmindedly opened her legs

To leave her seat, I lied, filched

A bill from Mother’s wallet,

I played with myself.

Masturbate was such a hairy word,

My Guardian Angel wept

When he first heard it, or when

He first heard me snicker

With the boys who made a joke of it.

God wore a purple stole

Over his shoulders, over the brown

Habit that sometimes reeked

Of sweat. He had a halo round his

Balding pate as I peered through

The screen of the confessional,

He was Franciscan and Spanish,

And spoke Bikol with an accent—

Strange and stentorian with

Lots of th’s, aspirated, tongue

Between the teeth—gesturing with

His white hands: thumb, index,

And middle finger extended,

Ring and pinky folded: Writing

A cross in the air: Forgiveness

Was tender even if he rolled his r’s

In Patawarrron ka nin Dios,

Penance was benign and generous

For the white lies, the sins mastered

With my cathechist, while hell fire

Was reserved (a whole round

Of the Sorrowful Mysteries,

Or helping clean up the sacristy)

For “playing with myself.”

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That was the State of Sin

From Grade One till Grade Six,

Extended through the Catholic

High School for Boys, from the Dawn

Mystery of the First Communion

To the tedious recycling of regular

Transgressions for the First Friday

Devotions, and later, the quick

Absolution of the Act of Contrition.

By College and on to Employment,

One was prepared to commit,

Omit, or ignore the sins of the world,

The sins against One’s Self, or the sins

Against The Other—O my God, I am

Heartily sorry for having offended Thee—

Venial, mortal, murder, betrayal,

Cowardice, vice, eternal damnation.

 

 

Marne Kilates

27 February 2018

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Confessional

(Very) New Poems
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